Lyrics

Album: Marshall Mathers LP (2000)
Song: The Kids


(Teacher Sings)
And everyone should get along..

Ok children quiet down, quiet down
Children i'd like to introduce your new substitute teacher for the day
His name is Mr. Shady
Children quite down please
Brian don't throw that.. (SHUT UP!)
Mr. Shady will be your new substitute while Mr. Kaniff is out with limonia
(HE'S GOT AIDS!)
Good luck Mr. Shady...

(Verse 1-Eminem)
Hi there little boys and girls (FUCK YOU!)
Today we're going to learn how to annoy some squirrels
But first, i'd like you to meet my friend Bob (Huh?)
Say Hi Bob, ("Hi Bob")
Bob's 30 and still lives with his Mom and he don't got a job
Cause Bob just sits at home and smokes pot
With his 12 year old brother looks up to him off alot
And Bob likes to hang out at the local waffle spot
And wait in the parking lot for waitresses off the clock
When it's late and alot gets dark and he fakes like he walks his dog
He drag 'em in the woods and goes straight to the ?????
And even if they escape and got the cops
Ladies would be so afraid, they would drop the charge
Till one night Miss. Stacey went off the job
When she felt someone grab her whole face and said not to talk
But Stacey knew it was Bob and said knock it off
But Bob wouldn't knock it off cause he's crazy, a novice rocker
Crazier than Slim Shady is off the locker
You couldn't even take him to Dre's to get Bob a doctor
He grabbed Stace by the legs, he chopped it off her
And dropped her off in the lake for the cops to find her
But ever since the day Stacey went off the wander
They never found her, and Bob still hangs at the waffle diner
And that's the story of Bob and his marijuana
And what it might do to you
So see if the squirrels wanderin, it's bad for you 


(Chorus)
See children, drugs are bad
And If you don't believe me, ask ya Dad
And If you don't believe him, ask ya Mom 
She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time

So kids say no to drugs
So you don't act like everyone else does
And there's really nothing else to say
Drugs are just bad mmm k...


(Verse 2-Eminem)
My penis is the size of a peanut, Have you seen it? 
Fuck no you ain't seen it, it's the size of a peanut (Huh?)
Speaking of peanuts, you know what else is bad for squirrels?
Ecstasy is the worst drug in the world
If someone offers it to you, don't do it
Kids 2 hits'll probably drain all your spinal fluid
Cause spinal fluid is vinal, you won't get it back
So don't get attached, it'll attack every bone in ya back
Meet Zack, 21 years old 
After hanging around with some friends at a Frat party
He gets bold, and decides to try five, when he's bribed by five guys
And peer pressure will win when everytime you try to fight it
Suddenly, he starts to convulse 
And his pulse goes into hyperdrive, and his eyes go back in his skull 
His back starts ta...look like the McDonald's Arches
He's on Donald's carpet, laying horizontal barfin'
And everyone in the apartment starts laughin' at him
"Hey Adam, Zack is a jackass, look at him"
So they took it to, so they think it's funny
So the laughin' does basically nothing
Except maybe wastin' your money
Meanwhile, Zack's in a coma, the action is over
And his back and his shoulders, hunched up as if he was practicin' Yolka
And that's the story of Zack, ecstasy maniac
So don't even feed that to squirrels class, cause it's bad for you

(Repeat chorus)

(Verse 3-Eminem)
Last but not least,
One of the most humungous problems among young people today, is fungus
It grows from cow manure, They pick it out, wipe it off, bag it up, 
and you put it right in ya mouth and chew it...Yum Yum
Then you start to see some dumb stuff
And everything slows down when you eat some, of um...
And sometimes you see things that aren't there (Like what?)
Like fat woman in g-strings with orange hair
(Mr. Shady what's a g-string?)
It's ???? Claire
Women stick them up there behind, go out and wear 'em (Huh?)
And if you swallow too much of the magic mushroom
Whoops, did i say magic mushroom, i meant fungus
Ya tongue gets all swolled up like a cow's tongue (How come?)
Cause it comes from a cow's dump (Oh)
See drugs are bad, it's a common fact
Wit ya Mom and Dad, well that's all i'm good at (Ert)
But don't be me, cause if ya grow up and ya go OD
They're gonna come for me and i'mma have to grow a goatee
And get a disguise and hide, cause it'll be my fault
So don't do drugs, and do exactly as i don't, cause it's bad for you

(Repeat chorus)

(Teacher & Classmates)
Come on children, clap along (SHUT UP!)
Sing along children (SUCK MY MOTHERFUCKING DICK!)
Drugs are just bad, drugs are just bad (???? GONNA SUE ME)
So don't do drugs, tell 'em save more for me (GOD DAMNIT! MUSHROOMS KILLED 
KENNY)
(Pltttt OOOO *fart noises*)
la la la la!